confidence, goals, overcoming negativity, perspective, Stress, thoughts
Most of us overreact from time to time, either positively or negatively. How you react to events is one of the key factors in determining whether or not you will experience stress and, if you do experience stress, it can determine the extent of that stress. If you fail to maintain perspective, you can experience some serious stress-related problems. Someone might get really worked up about the fact that the meal they prepared for their guests has not gone as well as planned. Someone might invite stress upon themselves because one of their colleagues has just been fired and they fear that they might be next. Some bring on stress because of an approaching examination. These are just some of the situations where overreacting can cause problems and they all seem to have one thing in common; they have a great deal of uncertainty e.g. you are unsure as to how your guests feel about the meal. These are situations that require you to maintain perspective and, abstain from making assumptions. They rarely merit the stress you experience from them.
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Questions to maintain perspective
Almost all situations that you deem as stressful have nothing to them. It is not the situations that cause the stress; it is your thoughts about them and, reaction to them. If you were to apply your mind with a level-headed approach, you can easily maintain perspective and avoid overreacting. When you find yourself overreacting, try asking yourself the following questions and they will help you to maintain perspective.
1. What were your expectations?
In order to maintain perspective about any event, you need to be clear about what your expectations were. Many
stress related problems occur as a result of unrealistic expectations. You can only do your best in any give situation. If you were expecting a better result than you are realistically capable of achieving, then you may have made a rod for your own back. So, make sure that you are clear about what your expectations were.
Resource: Stress Free Living
2. Were those expectations realistic?
As stated above, a great deal of stress is caused by unrealistic expectations. Once you have clarified what your expectations were; be honest with yourself by asking
‘were those expectations realistic?’ If you believe that they were not, acknowledge this and resolve to be more realistic on the next occasion.
Resource: To set goals that are based upon realistic expectations, check out the
Ultimate Guide to Goal Setting.
3. Are you just being a perfectionist?
Similar to unrealistic expectations, being a perfectionist is a recipe for disaster. Take a realistic look at life. Few, if any, things ever go absolutely perfect. People make mistakes and get things wrong. Even the most fabulous and amazing events will contain some minor errors.
There is nothing wrong with having high expectations as long as they are realistic but, as pointed out earlier, unrealistic expectations lead to stress related issues including
passive aggressive behaviour. Expecting perfection is both unrealistic and unhealthy so, drop the need for need for perfection, maintain perspective and, learn to appreciate a job well done.
Related article: The problem of perfectionism
4. What were the expectations of the other person(s)?
Your own unrealistic expectations are an unnecessary source of stress. This is more evident when those expectations are way beyond what others were expecting. Take the earlier example of preparing a meal for your friends. You might get upset if the meal is not of the highest quality.
However, your guests were probably just expecting to spend some quality time with friends where they could have a bite to eat and, enjoy good conversation. In all likelihood, you will have met their expectations so, what’s the point in getting upset about the meal not matching your high standards. Instead, you can identify what you did wrong and do a better job next time.
Related article: What did you communicate? It problably wasn't what you think
5. What was the actual result?
In line with the last question, before you get upset about the outcome, you need to ascertain what the actual result was. It is important to remain objective at this point. When you overreact, you assume that everything went wrong but this is highly unlikely. You must maintain perspective and determine exactly what the end result was. This could be as simple as asking your friends for their thoughts about the meal.
When you take the time to determine the actual result, you are forced to recognise the good things that happened. It can be as simple as identifying the following:
- What went well? e.g. if you are to host another meal, what would you do again?
- What did you do wrong? i.e. the things that you would not do again if you were to host another meal
- What can you do differently? These are the things that you can add next time to improve the experience.
When you have done this, you will usually see that you got a lot of stuff right and, with a few small changes, you can do even better in the future. Life is a learning experience and you need to learn from what went right as well as what went wrong. When you do so, you will maintain perspective and avoid overreacting.
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6. Is it still such a big deal?
Once you have worked your way through the earlier questions, you need to ask yourself if it is still such a big deal. Sure, you may still be disappointed. You may even be a little worried but when you work your way through these questions, you will usually find that you have a better perspective on events.
It may seem trivial but every little improvement that you make in this area will reduce your exposure to stress. Working your way through these questions will enable you to maintain perspective and quickly overcome setbacks and disappointments.
As stated, maintaining a proper perspective is essential for keeping your stress levels low. If you struggle with stress, check out
Stress Free Living.
Conclusion
It can be hard to accept that a great deal of the stress you experience is caused by your own perspective i.e. how you look at things. If you think that something is a disaster, you will overreact in a way that is consistent with it being a disaster. This overreaction prevents you from seeing the opportunities you have to rectify the situation. However, people who have learnt to cope with stress know how to deal with so-called problematic situations and take a different approach. Rather than panic and overreact, they assess the full extent of the problem. Then, when they have a realistic perspective, it is easier to identity solutions.
If a circumstance has changed, even though it may initially seem intimidating and scary, you can maintain perspective, find a way forward, overcome the problem and learn from the situation. You will be living a more stress-free and fruitful life when you learn to do so.