Are you resilient? Learning to cope with setbacks

Life is full of ups and downs. Although it may appear that some people never experience the downs in life; that simply isn’t true. Nobody is perfect and nobody will ever live the perfect life. If you want to enjoy happiness and health, it is imperative that you learn to make the most of the ups while minimising the negative impact of the downs. When challenging experiences inevitably arise, you can reduce their impact by being ready to rise to the occasion. Your ability to bounce back after a transition or hardship determines whether most of your life is enjoyable and meaningful or troublesome and frustrating. This idea can be summed up in one word: resilience. The more resilient you are, the quicker you’re able to re-adjust to a situation and move forward in life. Resilience is not some magic attribute that you are born with. You can learn to be resilient and take regular action which will help you to become more resilient. If you implement the right activities, on a consistent basis, you will become more resilient with each passing day. As you become more resilient, you will be better able to cope with life’s setbacks while increasing your confidence and self-belief. You will gradually become more willing to accept the bigger challenges in life which, when completed successfully, bring the bigger rewards. It is not just a nice thing to be resilient; it is absolutely essential for a happy, healthy and prosperous life.

Are you resilient?

Before you devise a plan to become more resilient, you must first understand how resilient you currently are. Consider these ideas while you think about your own resilience:

1. First responses

When something initially begins to trouble you, how do you respond? Maybe you bury your head in the sand and hope it goes away. Perhaps you just ignore the situation and pretend it isn’t happening. One of these approaches will enable you to become more resilient and enjoy more success in life while the other will cripple you.

When you’re resilient, you’ll choose to approach the situation head-on, and promptly. You’ll assess the issue and define the exact nature of the problem. Once you have done so, you will consider the potential solutions; choose the solution which you believe will work best and, implement that solution. You’ll set out right away to resolve the situation before it becomes a full-blown issue.

Rather than become overwhelmed by a problem, resilient people accept the situation and employ their problem-solving skills. This leads to a quicker resolution and a reduction in the stress and anxiety associated with the problem.

2. Approach to past events

When you ponder past events, you have two choices. You can try to forget them and pretend that they never happened or, you can take responsibility for the situation and identify the lessons that you can learn from it. Learning from past mistakes is one of the most important and powerful personal development opportunities. Learning from your mistakes allows you to avoid making the same mistake again, thus increasing your chances of success. It also gives you the opportunity to develop new strengths and skills.

Trying to forget your past mistakes robs you of vital energy. This weakens you and makes you more susceptible to stress. Resilient people focus their energies on the lessons and skills they’ve learned from past experiences. This builds both their resilience and their confidence.

3. Daily practice

Do you pursue constant and never ending improvement i.e. to get a little better each and every day? Or do you find entire days go by while you are overcome by negativity and, you achieve nothing of importance? In order to improve your resilience, consider each day an opportunity to do something positive, even if it’s just one thing.

It doesn’t have to be rocket science. What matters is that you achieve something which is important to you, each day, whether it be a phone call to a loved one or adding a little extra weight to your workout. What is important is determined by your own purpose, values and goals. Achieving something small but important each day will add meaning to your life while boosting your self-esteem. When you do this, you will naturally become more resilient.

4. Your support network

You won’t succeed in this life alone. You were never meant to. Do you have plenty of friends and family to call on if you need something? Resilient individuals build a supportive system of people they can visit, call, talk to, and turn to whenever they hit troubled waters.

If you feel like you’re all alone, start building your support network today by setting a goal to put yourself in situations where you can meet new friends.

Note: it is important that you do not just burden friends and family with your problems. Make sure that you include them in your good times too. This will help you build real supportive relationships.

5. Love yourself

Your first love should always be yourself. That does not make you selfish; it makes you self-centered. If you do not place yourself and your own needs at the centre of your life, you will not be able to thrive.

When you thrive, you are in a better position to help, support and nurture those whom you love. However, if you do not give love to yourself, you will not have the love or strength to offer to others. When you take care of your own needs, you’ll be more resilient when a crisis knocks on the door. If your own health and living situation are at the top of your priority list, you’ll be prepared to face any hardship, be it emotional or physical. Taking the time to keep yourself in tip-top shape physically and mentally builds your reserves of resilience whenever trying situations and events occur – either for you or for someone you love.

Resilience is one of the core stress management skills. If you struggle with stress, check out Stress Free Living.

It would be nice to think that life was all plain sailing. Unfortunately, it would also be deluded to think so. Everything cannot go right all of the time. Challenges, transitions, and hardships will invariably arise in your life from time to time. If you are not resilient, it will take you much longer to recover from the tough times. If you confront situations immediately, use knowledge gained from prior trying events, and build your support network, you’ll be able to cope with your setbacks without too much suffering. This is what being resilient is all about. Being resilient will not remove the tough times from your life but it will reduce the damage the tough times cause and enable you to get back on your feet quicker.