Restlessness – a sign that you may have a more serious problem

​I have many friends who simply can’t sit still. They are always at something. Either they pop back up, as soon as they sit down, to do something or, they are checking things on their phone. This kind of restlessness may be alright in some people but for most people, restlessness is usually a sign that something else is going on. When restlessness is at its worst, it can impact your sleep; meaning that you don’t fully recover from your day’s activities​,and you go into the next day with depleted energy. This is not a good way to be.

There is a reason why meditation has become so popular and is recommended by so many experts. You need to be able to rest and relax; to allow the world to pass you by from time to time. It is in these relaxed states we do our best thinking and allow our mind to let go of whatever has been troubling us. You don’t have to meditate but if you are one of those people who think that they could never sit still for long enough to meditate; you may have a problem with restlessness.

It is important to note that restlessness is not the problem itself; it is usually a symptom of a problem which needs to be dealt with.

​As already stated, restlessness is usually a symptom of a bigger problem. If you are regularly restless, you need to consider whether you are experiencing any of the following issues:

​One of the most beautiful things about this world is that we have so many options available to us. We can do whatever we want and spend time with almost anybody we want. All that choice can bring great rewards but only if we learn to focus on what is important.  When you know what is important, you can say No to anything which is not important. That is the real benefit of focus.

If you are trying to do too many things or help too many people; you are going to really struggle to do anything properly. Unfortunately, we are t​aught from a young age to value quantity so we try to have as many friends as possible, do as many things as possible, complete as much work as possible. In doing so, we forget about what is important so, despite packing a lot into our lives, there might be little of value happening.

When you try to pack too much into your life, you will regularly experience restlessness because you are trying to remember everything you have committed to. Things will slip through the cracks as you constantly try to stay on top of everything and avoid upsetting anybody.

The 80/20 principle tells us that the majority of what we do is of little or no value. As cruel as it may seem, the majority of people we encounter in life add little or no value to our life. The key to happiness is to identify the things and people which are most important to you and focus on them. You can then eliminate all the waste in your life. You will have a lot less to worry about and stay on top of. You can then lose the restlessness, kick back, relax and be much happier.

For more, you can check out my article on The 80/20 Principle.

​There is no such thing as good stress. If you have been taught that there is, you have been told wrong. It is dangerous to believe in good stress because it encourages you to ignore the onset of stress. If you think it is good, you are not going to do anything to deal with an issue which will eventually lead to health, performance and relationship problems.

Restlessness is one of the first signs of stress you will notice. You constantly have stuff on your mind and you can’t shut off from your work. You end up taking your problems home with you. If you don’t deal with this, you can easily end up taking the problem out on others; which is where your relationships get damaged. Your stress can hurt more than just you.

If you find yourself feeling restless, I would advise you to take out a pen and paper and do a brain dump. Basically, you write down everything that is on your mind – that you have committed to but not done yet. Once you let yourself go with the flow, you will probably find that you are writing for a while. Over the next few days, you will probably find that things you have committed to keep popping into your head. Write them down too.

The brain dump is not the solution to your restlessness. It is however, a good way for you to see that you have too much on your plate.

For more of an explanation of why there is no such thing as good stress, check out my article – The myth of good stress.

​Even when you have improved your focus, you still need to have an organisational system to stay on top of all that important work you have committed to. The average person tries to remember everything they have committed to but trusting your memory is a sure path to failure.

Have you ever been sitting in a meeting when you suddenly remember something you were supposed to do back at your desk or maybe at home. It is great that you have remembered something you have to do but it is not much use remembering it at a time when you can’t actually do it. In this instance, you can make a note of it but in many cases, you are not in a position to make a useful note when you remember something. This is one reason why you can’t depend on your memory.

Another reason for not trusting your memory is that you use far too much mental energy trying to remember everything. If you have done the brain dump exercise, you should have a small idea of just how much you are trying to remember. There is just too much going on, even in the most focused life, to be able to trust your memory.

People who depend on their memory to stay on top of tasks think that they can’t stop thinking about a task/project  until they have completed it. That’s not true. When you are properly organised, you can stop thinking about it anytime that you are not working on it because you can trust that you are on top of it. You know that it's captured in your organisational system and you can return to it at any time and pick up where you left off. No need to feel restless.

You can learn more about organisation with my article – 5 Core organisation skills you must possess.

Maybe you have a problem with somebody which you have attempted to deal with but you have not reached a satisfactory outcome. Or, maybe you have a problem with them but you haven’t made any genuine attempt to resolve it. Either way, the problem is going to pop into your mind on a regular basis and from time to time, it will dominate your thinking. This leads to restlessness.

There is a reason why unresolved conflict keeps popping into your mind – it needs to be resolved. It is an open loop in your mind and that loop needs to be closed by dealing with the problem. It is easy to talk to others about how much stress somebody is causing you but in most cases, you are causing yourself the stress by refusing to deal with the issue.

Once you sit down and talk it out with the person; one way or another, the stress will disappear and the restlessness will accompany it. Even in the worst scenario, where ​you have tried everything but you have to end the relationship (intimate, professional or personal) with that person, you will find that you are soon able to move on as you will have done all you can to deal with it.

For more information on why you need to deal with unresolved conflict, check out my article on talking to the right person.

​If you are experiencing a lot of restlessness and it is impacting your life in a negative way, you may have some form of a medical issue. It is always worth taking the time to visit your GP for a proper medical examination.

The term ‘disease’ comes from ‘dis – ease’ meaning that the person is uneasy or not at ease. Your restlessness ​may not be a medical issue but there is no need to take chances. If your restlessness is prolonged; a visit to your GP makes sense. Even if it isn’t a medical problem, your GP will often have some good advice for how you can become more relaxed and learn to switch off.

​If you are experiencing restlessness, you may want to check out Stress Free Living and/or The Modern Professional's Guide to Organisation and Focus.

​Restlessness is something which we often take for granted. We assume that it is just the way we are. As if it is natural to not be able to switch off and relax. It’s not natural and when you have worked hard and been busy, you need to be able to get your rest and recovery. Rest and recovery comes when you can switch off and let the world pass you by; whether for a few minutes or while you sleep. Restlessness is often a symptom of a bigger problem so, if you are feeling restless, take a closer look to see if you can find the source of the problem.